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shotgunpauses

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What the holy fuck. [02 Jul 2005|12:55am]
[ mood | shocked ]

On my way home from my beloveds house tonight I just fucking relized that I would be a fucking Senior next year. I know that I'm just over reacting. But I never thought that I would be a fucking Senior. I don't feel like I should be.. if you can fucking feel like your a Senior, I don't know, I've never been one. I guess that all I have to do is fucking get ready.
It feels like it should just be another year. Not like, the last year.. ya know? I'm kind of worried that I'll fuck up, and not have any where to go. I'm just, fuck, freaked out. I won't even be fucking eighteen when I graduate. What the hell?
The summers going to fast. Like always. I'm not ready at all. I don't want to be "all grown up". Shit, that just sounds scary.
Wanna know what else is fucking scary.. fucking fighting with people you love. My best friend, Serina, she got in a huge fucking fight with her boy friend tonight. It was such bull shit but fuck. Patrick, her boyfriend, is such a thick headed bastard soo much of the time. He can be really cool and all, but to her he's sometimes so fucking rude. It's not just his falt or nothing, but I mean. GAH. Serina can be a bitch too. They just, the fit well together, maybe too well. Maybe that's why they exploded tonight. But it's scary. I thought that they were just ganna split up right then. That's why it's scary.. I guess.

I don't know what I'm talking about. ahahaha, I'm ridiculs.
I have alot of stuff to do tomorrow, and I work fucking too much, not really. but something like.
I'm going to bed, I have to get up at six.
fuck.

love
the liz.

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It's been a fucking while. [01 Jul 2005|02:41pm]
[ mood | blah ]

So, I don't know these days. It's been for fucking ever since I've made a post on this. I don't know if I really care anymore. I don't know like, anything about HTML.. there for mine journal is very bland. I'm quite different now. Settled, and not so fucking imature and stupid. Alot of things have happened. I don't know if I really want to go through and explain everything. Seems like it's too much bullshit. i'll quickly capture them.. I suppose.
I ened up not ever talking to ed again.
me and shaina never hang out, she got married to a different guy.
Nichole is getting married in two years. She's moving away to pitsburg.
Mikey and I never happend.
I fell in love with Dakota, who has been my boyfriend for eight months. I have a ring.
My family has gotten more fucked up.
I went vegan for five months, droped it and am now pick it back up.
Me and alot of friends don't talk.
I finished my junior year with a 3.8 GPA.
My grandparents are still alive.
Two of my cats had kittens.
I have too many cats.
My brother has a girlfriend.. he's never home.
I hate being home because all I get is a lecture.
I want a tattoo more then ever.
I have read two books in a week.
I haven't stoped soking.
I have a job.
I haven't dyed my hair for months.
I don't know anymore. but it seems like alot.
I love when al I do is rant.
bah.

I have to go get ready for work.
YAY!

Sign out.
The Liz

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Everythings so beautiful when its dying. [10 Oct 2004|01:05am]
[ mood | melancholy ]

As the world shifts into fall, I shift back into what I used to be before I met Ed. I'm really not sure if I did what was right.. it being the frist real realationship I have had that I acutally seriously dumped the person in. I feel really akward about it.. Like I should hate him cause he was a jack ass to me today.. but how I should still love him cause well, I did/do or something still. I'm just really confused about the whole thing. I really did need a break.. and then, well, I just pushed it over the edge.. I feel happier seeing all my friends and being me, well being the single me.. Who knows, we'll all find out together.
My work is freaking awesome. Snider is by far one of the best people I know. He's so amazing. Ahaha, so funny. I got pulled over for not having my lights on. No ticket, just got told I was stupid. Orgy is coming to play at our venue.. Its going to be wierd, but cool. I actually get paid to not do all that much. i just have to go in at 12 and clean up and make the venue look good and stuff. Nicks ganna come down too, I hope Mikey does.. soo cute, wish that we could have dated.. we're bolth single now, maybe it could happen. I wish!!
Schools been allright, I guess. Just school, Im kinda falling behind in english but thats about it.. I just, cant read when I'm forced to. It's more of a reason to not read.. for me anyway. But my english teacher is freaking hillarious. She challanged me that I couldn't look preppy for a day. That I couldn't pull it off. So, of course, I took the challange.. and well, we'll see how it goes on Tuesday. Man, I think I'm kinda falling for Dakota too.. but I don't think that I could EVER have a chance with that.
Last night was pretty eventful. Shaina has a boyfriend that is freaking adorable, and like.. perfect.. she's just doing the Shaina thing and dramatizing it. Nichole, silly her, also has found a perfect cute skater boy for herself.. I think Ness has found one too.. and well.. Serina jsut found some jelly.. ahahaha. I sulked.. Oh, and the cops almost gave us all sitations for underage drinking. It was soo awesome, lemme tell ya.. But yea, Im really.. not sure if I like hanging out with all those boys and stuff, but Im going to have to deal.. cause well. Shaina's dating one and she's on of THE GIRLS. so I mean.. we can't just cut her out.. Oh man.. that would suck. But yea. I'm just.. feeling better, more free. I just.. want someone to always be there when I need it.. and a booty buddy.. you always need one of those.
I'm getting my lip pireced again.. bolth sides of the bottom lip. Its ganna be hawt. My family is going to hate it.. my grandparents are going to hate me.. same with all my family, but oh well.. what can they do about it other then disown me or.. um, yell? I can take yelling cause they all stop sooner or later, but the disowning well.. that would suck HARDCORE BALLS.Hrmpf.. Serina is getting her nipples done.. which is cool. I like that she's kinda crawling out of her coward shell that she hid in from her aunt. I think its alot more healthy for her.. but yea..

My eyes are starting to buldge.. oh, and bronchial phnemonia SUCKS!!!

XoXo

I think its time to play in your blood.

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..rushin around.. [24 Aug 2004|11:52pm]
[ mood | content ]

I feel alot better latley. Ed makes me feel better.. Shicken had her kittens today. Its awesome. Only three too. I get one and its name shall be Edgar.. cause its awesome. Oh and the kitten Nichole and Spence found I'm keeping too.. its name is Nichole, cause ts spastic and stupid like her... ahaha. Its awesome. But Esters dying, Im soo bummed. gaw. I've had her for so long, it makes me SO sad to see her sick and shit, I really wish that it wasnt going to happen.. but.. life does that.

Schools pretty boring as of right now. And my dads kinda being anal about it. My brothers trying to step in and be my father figure about it too. SO LAME! I wish he would just bemy older brother, not try and be dad. but I guess its allright. I mean, Im going to school now, and not sluffing. I need to get through this year with passing grades and shit. I want to be done with school. oh, I passed my driving test. I get my licence hopefully on Saturday. And hopefully my dad gets my car fixed, then I can cruse ahahaha.. right, thats funny.

Umm.. yea, word. Sleep is better then the internet.

Lauren, I'll call you.

XoXo

I miss Tanner.

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Things change but always end up the same. [22 Aug 2004|11:40pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

Everything seems new and exciting for a while.. like, my new lip peircing, my new boyfriend.. a new school year. But it all eventually turns into a rutein and something thats compleatly repetative. I have no ambition or direction... Im going nowhere fast.... Im so lame, I try too look for good things, but it never works out.

Jade and I got in a fight ish thing. It was horrible. Its just cause Im a flirty bitch that thought she liked her, but then decided I liked Ed more. Which i do, and I like that I like him. Hes fucking amazing, and treats me like a princess. But Im scared its all just fake and thats where everything goes wrong in my relationships. Im trying to keep my chin up in this one cause its good and I like it.

Sigh, school starts in seven hours and twenty minutes. I want to sleep but I cant. I hate it I hate it I hate it.. I just talked to Tanner, gaw.. heart wrentching. He makes me so emo.. but I'm allready invovled.. I hate this. Its so lame, I wish that I could make everyone around me happy and satisfy them all. I wish I was some sort of superwoman that could fix everyones problems and make thier lives better.. but theres nothing that I can do. a big.. fat. NOTHING.

I guess that shits done, and all I can do is move on. I think Ed and I have a future, even if it is a short one its there. Its what Im looking forward too... I just wish that I hadnt lost ties with alot of my friends. Esspecally Lauren, Brittany, Mina, and Rachel.. I miss them.. Its really, well.. sad that I lost touch with them, we were too good of friends and I just fucked all that shit up for nothing.. Absolutly nothing... I wish i could fix it.. but.. I dont know if they would really appreciate the effort...

I feel better.. but school should die.

XoXo

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Sleeping can be my away place. [05 Aug 2004|02:25pm]
[ mood | disappointed ]

Waking up is the hardest thing I have to do, and the thing I hate the most. I wish that I could just sleep and sleep and sleep... nothing is better then dreaming.. dreaming gives me what I want.. lets me know that things can work out.. But then again, it can ruin everything for me.

I miss Alec. The worst part is, I'm sure he doesnt give a shit about me. Im sick of being worthless.

I want to make this Mitch thing become something. but I'm scared that if I try its not going to work. That when ever I try or really when ever I dont try nothing EVER works out. This not knowing what I want or what I can do to get what I want shouldnt be happening anymore. I should quit telling everyone Im fine and just let myself get help... but I dont want it...

Today should be allright, I work.. I'm excited. I hope I get some money off this show to help with my party Saturday. I hope I hope I hope its a fun party and nothing goes wrong.

Heres to life.

XoXo

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[05 Aug 2004|04:25am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I hate people that judge me.
that look at me and smirk.
i hate people that dont belive me,
or that hate me for what I do.
The last thing I needed was to be told i wasnt good enough.
just push me of ladder and let me snap my neck.
my eyes are like river, but the ones that run red.
The man I call my father, I guess.. I would rather him dead.
Shallow looks are all that i ever get.
lemme do what I want, cause.. well fuck..
the only way im going to enjoy life is to lead it how I want
you cant control me forever..
Depression is such bullshit,
its a never ending ride.
but it isnt as fun as that rollercoaster..

" Lets just not strap in this time "

XoXo

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bah? [03 Aug 2004|02:23pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

I had a dream lastnight and it made me fall for this guy all over again that I thought I was over. I HATE LIFE!!well, sometimes. Its so lame.. gaw. And i even met a new boy that likes me-ish I guess.. Stuff happened with that. But he lives in Tooele.. Soo theres nothing thats ganna really happen there. I'm too lame about boys I guess..

All I really want is just a boy that can be my friend yet we can still do it together.. ahaha, I'm a whore, I know. But I think thats all I need right now. That I can just be all kissy face with and not have the attched deal with him.. it would be bad ass till it started to not work out.

Ugh, on other side notes.. I had a touring band from Chicago stay at my house. They were way bad ass. I got a free teeshirt too.. It was awesome.

My birthday is in like.. six days now. I'm having a pirate party on Saturday and we're all drinking rum bitches!! Its ganna be SO bad ass. Im excited like whoa.. I need to go get some pirate clothes hell yea!

XoXo

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Why do I always do this? [31 Jul 2004|03:49am]
[ mood | crushed ]

i always want what i cant have. . then go emo about it..


i'll just go jump off of something tall.

XoXo

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SHYEA! [22 Jul 2004|12:29am]
[ mood | confused ]

Mean girls is the best movie ever! ahaha, BEST EVER!

Ryan is such a sweet heart, awe. I like him a ton. But there's also AJ and crap. I asked AJ today if his kisses ment anything, and he said they did, but then he was like, I just cant handle anything right now. I dont need to deal with that in my life right now. I was like.. thanks, asswhole.. I just dont want to thin he's an asswhole cause I like him too much.. ahaha, thats so sad. I wish that he wasn't all emo, but not.. He's just in a bad mood latley and I feel like I'll Im doing is making it worse. I suck at that game. But I like him and he's adorable.. awe..

Shit, I'm such a bitch.. UGH! oh well.

Night guys, I'm ganna go sulk.
XoXo

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What? [21 Jul 2004|11:15am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Take the quiz: "What is your real name? ( girls only)"

Octavia
you are the morbid type that feels that you are put on the earth for no reason...


I'm changing my name as of right now.. mwahhahahaha...
Shainas new name is Shaina NoNeck..best morning wake up ever.

I might get in to the ETID/Atreyu/LOG show this Sunday for freee!!! All I would have to do is sell watter at the door and shit with Nichole! FUCK YEA! Saving 16 bucks I can get a fucking SHIRT! I'm excited. Cute boy will be there. And AJ! Woot, Its ganna fucking rock, I'm extatic about it!!

I have range driving in August, but I wont get my licence for like another week after my birthday cause i haven't taken my road test.. Mother fuckers. I guess it will happen in good time.. blah. I drove Nicks car yesterday, it was so fun.I wish I had an automatic just to fuck around it.. ahaha, they are so fun! I wanna see if I can drive my Grandmas Caddi.. ahah, that would be so rad! WOOT! I feel like I need to do something fun today. I think it might be a downtown adventure time!

XoXo

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He think he owns.. ahaha. [20 Jul 2004|03:22pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Colby thinks hes better then me, its so funny. He's finally "written me off for good". Good fucking ridence in my eyes. All he ever did was beat me!! CHRIST! So what if I told his girl friend that he was scaming on a nother girl, AND dating another girl.. ?! I'm friends with her, I was just looking out for her cause he did it to me.. ahaha

I met the cutest boy at The Blood Brothers.. Oh my cute! Adorable!! ahaha, and then I met another boy that wants to sleep with me.. why? I have no idea. I thnk he might be blind. But I had an awesome night.. awe shit yea!

XoXo

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These things never go away. [19 Jul 2004|03:43pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]

I've been debating for the last couple weeks if I should stay together with my boy friend. There's a ton of downsides, and a ton of up sides to it.. It always seems like the bads overwhelm the goods though. Its too complicated for me. I'm too lazy to deal with it really. I'm also just way too emo to deal with it. I went to the gym today, made me feel better about myself. It was awesome. I'm in love with Stem Rooms too. ahaha, they are effing amazing. Tonight i'm going to The Blood Brothers, I'm excited. But dissapointed cause Chase isn't going to be there. Chase introduced me to them, and we went to their show together last time. Its almost sacreligous or something I dont know. he'll be out of rehab soon though and thats all that matters. I wish I was more intresting... ahaha. XoXo

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You Bitches, WHAT?! [19 Jul 2004|03:16am]
[ mood | awake ]

Well you see now, Kelsy wanted me to get one of these fandangled things... and so i did.. Check it out. I want friend ya hurr?

I've had a bad day, I almost got kicked out. But i guess I'm over it. I got beat up at Colbys.. hit with spatulas too. Lamecore if you ask me. Shaina is going away to Texas for a week.. thats UBER lame.. I'm not hapy about it..

But I have LJ.. so I'll cope..

Get ready.

XoXo

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[19 Jul 2004|03:05am]
Liz' new journal! WOOT. Everyone love her and add her.

Kelsey

<3
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